Cubs and respect

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Roxybeaver1
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Cubs and respect

Post by Roxybeaver1 » Tue Oct 28, 2014 6:34 pm

In light of recent events in my pack - cliques, exclusion, play wrestling instead of being in circle, talking out of turn, not listening when a leader is talking - I am thinking of doing a night about respect.

And I welcome any ideas that have worked for you.

I understand that the vast majority of Cubs are boys who are active, bright sparks full of energy, ideas who are equally competitive and think they have all the answers and want to show what they know. This is great!

But the play fighting! Don't get me wrong - play fighting is very much a part of boyhood, and I say boyhood as our girl Cubs don't engage in this (not that I have seen of late). But I don't find it is respectful to do it during opening, during when instructions are being given and to be constantly invading the personal space of others - we have a few real touchy-feely Cubs! Sometimes I have to stand between the Cubs. Lately, I have been saying, save the play fighting for play dates, at Cubs we keep our hands to ourselves. It is the same kids week after week.

Our Akela had a clever idea when he started. After opening, every Cub has a chance to speak when he has the speaking stick and each Cub is free to say nothing or share something with the pack. Only, there are some Cubs who are unable to stay quiet when they don't have the stick. I understand the excitement of being in Cubs but if the majority of the Cubs are being quiet and respectful when it is your turn, I expect you to be respectful in turn. And we have to remind the same Cubs every. Single. Week.

Our last fall camp, while successful, had a major issue of a clique running out of hand to the point of excluding one Cub, who kept going back for more "abuse." This put a damper on the camp. When my son was a Cub years ago, this did not happen; though there were most certainly cliques within the pack, the behaviour was nothing like this but more a preference for each other's company. Now within my daughter's pack, the clique is problematic and I worry about the next camp. Since we brought it up at the end of camp (what did you like, what didn't you like - all the leaders brought up the questionable behaviour), the clique has tempered a bit.

2HC-OldChil
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Re: Cubs and respect

Post by 2HC-OldChil » Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:47 pm

I had one ringleader who was the instigator like you have mentioned. I called the parent after hours and had a Parent/Cub/2xLeader meeting the next meeting night, to set the record straight. I left it as my rules, my house and left it with the Cub and the Parent to sort out at home. The message was I would prefer you join us but on my terms and there are no more strikes. The Cub and his friend left but the tone was very different in the Pack as the Bluff was called.

Rick Gruchy
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Re: Cubs and respect

Post by Rick Gruchy » Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:06 am

Has you pack developed its Code of Conduct?

Hawkeye3
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Re: Cubs and respect

Post by Hawkeye3 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:34 am

Roxybeaver1 wrote:In light of recent events in my pack - cliques, exclusion, play wrestling instead of being in circle, talking out of turn, not listening when a leader is talking - I am thinking of doing a night about respect.
I have experienced this too. I put my hand up, wait patiently, and sometimes start to count. I then mention that this is their time, we can have fun, or we can wait.

After a while, I will bring the youth over and chat quietly about the Law, Motto, and Promise and how their actions reflect on those. I am fortunate, I have only had to threaten parents.

Finally, I challenge the Sixes. For instance, the best dressed Six (in uniform), loudest Six (at Grand Howl), etc. get the advantage in our games. You do well, good things happen to you.
Roxybeaver1 wrote: Our Akela had a clever idea when he started. After opening, every Cub has a chance to speak when he has the speaking stick and each Cub is free to say nothing or share something with the pack. Only, there are some Cubs who are unable to stay quiet when they don't have the stick. I understand the excitement of being in Cubs but if the majority of the Cubs are being quiet and respectful when it is your turn, I expect you to be respectful in turn. And we have to remind the same Cubs every. Single. Week.
Can you do this in your Sixes? Instead of 1 out of 20 speaking, you will have 1 out of 5 speaking. It goes faster, there are fewer "jitters". etc.
Rick Gruchy wrote:Has you pack developed its Code of Conduct?
Hi Rick,
A Code of Conduct is something that my pack has resisted for a long while now. We avoid it for a few reasons:
  • At this age, signing a piece of paper means little. I find these documents to be too "legal";
  • We already have the law, motto, and promise. All behaviour can be brought back to those;
  • Any behaviour that cannot be covered by the Law, Motto, and Promise is likely fairly major. Major behaviour is best dealt with by parents

norma
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Re: Cubs and respect

Post by norma » Thu Oct 30, 2014 6:25 pm

Have you checked out the Code of Conduct Jumpstarts? They have a lot of activities that relate to respect and working together. Setting Respect Goals, Lava Pit Game, Golden Rule (Treat others as you wish to be treated), Co-operative Monster Making, Anger Thermometer. Could even look at some of the activities in the Beaver and Scout Jumpstarts for Code of Conduct to get ideas for games.

I have found with our Beavers that doing more "small group" activities helps with the clique issues. The whole "divide and conquer" thing. We actively work at spreading out those that bounce off each other into different groupings. We even try to separate the "best friends" to make sure that within a small group there is less likely to be exclusionary actions.

Also have you gone through the promise, law, motto to have them come up with what each point actually means to them? Having the promise, law and motto is a good guide for behaviour, but only if they truly understand what each point means. If someone isn't very religious they don't always know what "love and serve God" will actually mean to them.

We also give verbal reminders at the start of the ceremonies that this is our 'serious' time. It is fun and exciting to perform the ceremonies, but the expectation is that their behaviour will follow a higher standard than during the games and such as this is the special time. If they want to choose not to meet the standards (by being overly silly, etc; essentially not doing their best), they will be given a reminder, and if they continue to choose not to meet the standard, then they are choosing to remove themselves from the activity.

We have 2 types of time outs in our group: A personal time out where an individual is over stimulated and is choosing to remove themselves before their behaviour becomes unacceptable. These individuals are permitted to return to the activity once they have settled themselves and are prepared to participate again. The other time out is when an individuals behaviour has become unacceptable and even when reminded, choose not to participate as expected. These individuals are asked to step aside by a Scouter and are not permitted to return to the activity immediately, and depending on the severity of their actions, could be asked to not participate for the remainder of the meeting. Generally they are able to return after explaining to the Scouter what happened, why it was inappropriate, what should have happened, and what they plan to do next time a similar situation arises.

Roxybeaver1
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Re: Cubs and respect

Post by Roxybeaver1 » Sat Nov 08, 2014 8:05 pm

It turns out we do have a code of conduct and it was drafted up two years ago, before I moved up to Pack. I had no clue (that will teach me not to explore the shared drive). However, if it is not reviewed each year to remind returning Cubs and introduced to new Cubs, then it is not useful. Returning cubs do need to be reminded just as we continually remind our own children to clean up rooms, etc. A reminder would have been really nice before the problems we had a camp.

I found and printed the code and it is a good one.

That said, I think the code of conduct should be periodically reviewed. And it could be shorter. Our takes a full page.

But, the law, promise and motto - that's a good point. There's a lot right there to bring home the point that there is certain expectations in our behaviour. We tend to repeat them only during investiture and then almost never again. I think I will suggest to my Akela that we review them more often. When I was in Colony, I reviewed the Beavers ones frequently right after opening.

Norma, I did find all of those code of conduct program items. I streamlined what I found and presented it to my Akela who liked it but asked to streamline it more. I added one part of the Law Badge to it and the skits will count towards the Entertainment badge. I modified the skits - the cubs will be asked to present the wrong thing to do and then the right thing to do.

I am hoping it goes over well.

ScouterHawkeye
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Re: Cubs and respect

Post by ScouterHawkeye » Mon Nov 10, 2014 3:18 pm

I think the Code of Conduct is a very important part of Colony/Pack disipline; it's also one of the most overlooked. For our first two years in the Colony we didn't officially have one, we really didn't understand what it was. This year, we developed one in early September, and have been using it for the least few month with great success. We've actually got praised on how well the kids behave from both parents and from staff at places we've visited. As a scouter... it's a lot less stressful.

A few key points:
- The youth should develop the Code of Conduct, not the scouters. (Each year.)
The scouters help guide the discussion, but the youth (Beavers in my case) hit all our concerns. When the youth do it, we can point to it and say: "This is how you want each other to behave."
- The statments should be 'positive' in nature.
Instead of 'No Hitting', the comment may read: Respect each otherS space. Instead of no speaking out of turn, it would be: 'We Listen while others are speaking.'
- Refer to the Code often.
Point out things that the youth are doing well, "I like the way you are all listening like you all agreed." "We're all respecting each others space well." We have a copy at each meeting, so we can refer to it.

Anyway, a few points that worked for us. If I think of any more I'll add them.

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